There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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