i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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