9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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