after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
All the doctor said was why
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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