My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
