yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
