similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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