the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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