Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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