his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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