Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
