1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
