Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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