If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
