Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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