I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
