I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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