What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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