I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
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