This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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