i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
