how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
