Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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