my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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