Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think your dad took our porno
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
