I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
