Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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