We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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