I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
