Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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