I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
