Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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