I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
