i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
