I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
