addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
