Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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