Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
