Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
