we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
