Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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