please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
this beer tastes like vomit already
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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