I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
