Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
