All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
