My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
