I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
