If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
