i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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