my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
