remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
