Banned from zoo.
Again?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He shit in the fireplace
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
