There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I want to be your penis for a week.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
