i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
