he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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