Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
