Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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