I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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