After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
