Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize