Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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