it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
