i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize