Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
