Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
