Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
