So drunk, too bad you don't want this
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
