1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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