just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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