The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
