Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
